Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The Right Fit



There's nothing at all like finding the right fit. This is certainly true in fashion, yes, but in other more important areas, as well. Just look at Cinderella. Her life was completely turned around all because she found her perfect fit! 

When my children were toddlers they enjoyed playing with a toy where they first learned this concept of "fit". The idea was to match the plastic shape with the appropriate space on the container so that it would drop inside.  They would spend hours being challenged and even a little frustrated, but eventually, they figured it out: the circle block went into the circle space, the star block into the star space, and so on. They struggled at first, trying to force the triangle into the square-shaped space or the circle into the cross, but through trial and error they learned the very simple and basic idea that you can't force something where it doesn't belong.  Each time they heard the "plunk" of the shape falling smoothly and easily into the container they'd clap and smile with satisfaction. No feeling in the world like getting it right.

This simple child's toy has some life applications. In itself, the puzzle's objective is pretty simple, but even in that simplicity there's something very profound. I used the toy just a few weeks ago to illustrate a point to my group of high school mentees: to win in life you must find the right fit. You can exert all your energy and effort into trying to force the circle block into the square space or the triangle into the star space, but it just won't work. Even if it sorta looks like it should fit, that the blocks are "close enough" in shape or size (the square/rectangle or circle/oval), inevitably, it still won't work. But as soon as you put the right block into the specific space it was designed for, voila! Success. Simple, smooth, easy.

What if we applied this same principle in life? In love and relationships? In education, jobs and careers? Sometimes we try sooo hard to make something fit, when all along, it was never really meant to. What if we just relaxed our efforts and let things naturally flow? If instead of forcing it, we just let it happen? Just like those plastic shapes, there is a space designed just for you; a void in this world you are uniquely gifted and created to fill. The tricky part is in finding it. The first step in finding where you fit is finding and learning to be your authentic self. You won't find it if you are focused on meeting someone else's standards or being someone you're not. 

When you finally find that right fit, you will know. You just will. Sounds so cliche but I've found it to be true. You will experience a "click", your own "plunk", something instinctual that let's you know you're in the right place,
at the right time, doing the right thing. It's your "sweet spot", the place that just feels right; where you can achieve maximum success with just a little effort, just by being yourself and working the gifts, talents and personality that make you who you are. It comes naturally, like breathing. You don't mind getting up and going to work or being with that person or group of friends. There's a supreme sense of fulfillment and satisfaction; a joy that's experienced because you're right where you're supposed to be, doing what you're supposed to do. 

Some years after she first experienced her first "plunk" as a toddler, one of my teenaged daughters found herself at a critical point. She'd been worrying about what she wanted to be in life, what she wanted to focus on in college. I explained this notion of "click"/"fit" to her. Even pulled out the old toy and made her go through the exercise. I told her to be patient; that in time she'd discover where she fit. That it would be the thing she was passionate about; the thing she would be willing to spend hours on and never get tired of; that it would fit her personality, way of thinking; that in it, she would find her voice. She went away with a thoughtful look on her face. Maybe a month or so later, she came back into my room, this time with a smile and eyes that lit up. She'd figured it out. She'd heard the "plunk". It gave her a whole new confidence and has since set her on a focused path toward achieving her purpose.

Whatever it is for you, whether your job, a new business, a relationship, or circle of friends, I encourage you to listen for the "plunk". Don't keep exerting energy forcing something that isn't meant to be. Find that fit. Don't stop until you do. Then you too can have a fairy tale ending just like Cinderella.